Monthly Archives: June 2015

10 fat girl woes

Being a big girl, we have many challenges. I wanted to put together for you my top 10 fat girl woes that I have experienced. ¬†Please feel free to share your fat girl woes in the comments below ūüôā

1. Tiny bathroom stalls –¬†For a big girl (or guy) tiny stalls are the PITS. ¬†Who makes these things anyways? ¬†And don’t even get me started on the placement of the toilet paper in those damn things. ¬†Two words Handi-cap stalls!

2. Sweat – Rolls sweat, boob sweat, crotch sweat, we just sweat. ¬†What’s worse is if you don’t watch it that sweat can cause rashes.¬†¬†Baby powder and deodorant become your best friends. ¬†Who knew you can use deodorant for more places than your pits?

3. Ugly Clothing – I don’t know who the hell put it in someone’s mind that fat people either want to wear clothing that is made of a spandex material (Uh, I am trying to HIDE the fat not enhance¬†it) or clothing that belongs to my grandma for bedtime??? Skip the moo-moo pls. ¬†It’s just plain insulting. Don’t get me started on the price for items that do look remotely decent.

4. Exercising – I find it so funny when smaller people wanna make cracks at how quickly fat people get tired when working out. ¬†It’s like, oh excuse me, let me add a few hundred pounds on you and let you work out and lets see how far you go? I know it’s my issue but seriously this weight isn’t as light as marshmallows ya know?

5. Bras – Bra shopping is the pits because what do most fat people get to enjoy when it comes to boobs? ¬†Boob fat! ¬†Which means your average bra that fits a normal size person probably won’t fit you all that way unless you like fat spillage? ¬†Word to the wise, find a speciality bra shop, get sized and get a good bra. ¬†Your ladies will thank you!

6. Fear of eating РI know not all people experience this but I have, for me sometimes I get very self conscience when I eat in public.  Eating that ice cream cone?  Ooop, look their, people across the way wondering why you are eat that?  Feeling like your every dietary move is questioned by those around you can be pretty stressful.  You wonder do skinny people look around to see how little they eat?

7. Sexual positions – Look I would love to say I can get down like the rest of them but I will be honest, when you got some pounds on you not all positions are something you should do. ¬†In fact some are probably pretty darn dangerous. ¬†Just know, that no, most likely you will not crush a guy being on top. ¬†Well, I guess with in reason. ¬†I haven’t at least yet.

8. You’re the fat friend – ugh, we all have one I guess and guess what? It’s you. ¬†You get to hear your smaller friends say just how fat they are when inside you would kill to have their bodies. ¬†We get body shaming isn’t just for the over weight. ¬†But ya know sometimes it really feels like a slap in the face. ¬†IF you have less than I don’t know 40% of body fat, I DON’T want to hear how “fat” you are. ¬†I will happily donate if you really want to know what fat is.

9. Your feet grow – who knew? ¬†I surely didn’t. ¬†But I guess if your body grows, your feet can to. ¬†Oh, and watch those heels. ¬†They don’t feel the same on a bigger frame as they do a smaller one and well, gravity isn’t always nice.

10. Rude Comments – Ever heard “But you have a pretty face” (As a posed to an ugly one?) or “you’re pretty for a big girl”? ¬†What? Big girls can’t be pretty? Stupid comments like that make me wanna punch someone. ¬†Not only is it highly insensitive it’s just feeding into a stereotype that big people are unattractive and don’t’ care about themselves. ¬†Word to the wise, don’t say this it’s just plan RUDE!

 

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The 300lb Me

oldmisty

Highschool 130-140 LBS

Growing up apart of being a fat girl is fat shaming yourself. ¬†Not all girls do it, but I think a mass majority of us do? ¬†How many times have you said “I look fat”? ¬†I know growing up I said it A LOT! Just ask my old high school friends, I am sure they can vouch for this statement to be true. ¬†I wasn’t even really that large actually as you can see. ¬†Although, at the time if you asked me I would have told you that I was HUGE!

Overtime I would lose weight, in my mind it was NEVER enough. ¬†And every time something would happen and I would get bigger and bigger. ¬†I even had a joke that it was god’s way of saying, “oh yeah, you think you were fat then? ¬†I will show you fat!”¬†Of course I

250 LBS

250 LBS

don’t really think that god is punishing me. ¬†No, I think apart of this is really just me punishing myself!

When I first met my husband D.  I was smaller than I am now and I know I have discussed this before in my previous blog.  I had lost quiet a bit of weight.  I went from about 250 pounds down to 170 pounds.  For the first time in a VERY long time I actually started to feel good about myself.

Then my thyroid started acting up again, and well a slew of health issues started to arise and then it happened. ¬†Something I never in my life thought I would EVER see. ¬†I was am 300lb’s. ¬†Actually, I am over that amount.

It’s a hard pill to swallow. ¬†Sometimes harder because I know my health issues play a big role in the

170 LBS

170 LBS

gain and It’s not a 100% my fault. ¬†I guess a part of me feels if it was a 100% my fault some how that would feel better? ¬†But deep down I know that too is probably a lie.

It became really hard not to look at myself most days and think “Omg, I am gross”. Because, there isn’t

300lbme

320 LBS

much beauty in 300lbs. ¬†I mean yes, my face isn’t the ugliest face in town. ¬†But I need more than a face and I AM more than a face. ¬†Frankly, while yes, this body has done amazing things it doesn’t stop the fact that everyday I see it I am 1.
shocked that I am this large and 2. how horrible it really looks.

Most of all my pictures¬†now days are pictures of me mid chest up. ¬†Because it’s the only part of me that feels “normal”. ¬†I don’t recognize the rest of me. ¬†I am ashamed most of the time of the rest of me. I sometimes hate to see the rest of me.

The worst part is the fear of: What it will look like if you lose it? ¬†I know it’s silly and a common fear among large people but it’s a very real fear. ¬†I mean you do all this work to look good just to end up with a saggy ugly body still. ¬†Vain or not, the idea isn’t too pretty.

I look at myself an analyze every bit of me. ¬†I think look how much of me there is. ¬†How wide I am, how big my arms, are…. Look at my double chin. ¬†I don’t even FEEL this big. ¬†I think;¬†OMG, what has happened to me and can it even be fixed at all? ¬†It’s hard to be this weight and not feel these things. ¬†Society tells me that my body is gross. ¬†I tell myself that my body is gross. ¬†The only person who doesn’t tell me my body is gross is my loving husband and god bless him for it. ¬†Okay others don’t either but he is the only one I feel see’s just me not my weight.

The facts are. ¬†It’s never easy. ¬†At 130 pounds or 320 pounds. ¬†IF all you see is ugly that’s all you will know. ¬†You do have to start with your mind and I really AM trying. ¬†I am trying so hard to love me at 300lbs so if I ever do get below this I will love just as much smaller. ¬†I don’t want to take it for granted. ¬†But I don’t want to define my whole life around my weight. ¬†My heart isn’t disgusting. ¬†I am a beautiful person. ¬†I just wish sometimes my body wasn’t something that others used to determine my beauty. ¬†It’s a process… This is me. ¬†ALL 320lb’s of me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m so excited

The pointer sisters have now planted themselves in my head. ¬†I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it. Sing along with me!

You wouldn’t believe what a new look and I am referring to this blog can really change how you feel. ¬†How I now have just a sense of release and I actually feel at peace. ¬†It’s funny I know. ¬†But it’s true. ¬†I am really excited to be back to writing because apart of me really did miss it. ¬†I have so much stuff to talk about and it’s nice to have a place to do so.

Anyways, here in just a few short hours, I will be waking up my FOUR year old, OMG I can’t believe she will be 4¬†yrs old¬†already! It’s amazing how fast time really does fly. ¬†I will be waking up my four-year old to get ready for day care all the while this is the day just four short years ago she entered the world. My 10 1/2 pounds of butterball goodness…

M has been a true blessing to my life. ¬†I really couldn’t image my life with out her. ¬†She has fit in with our family as if she has always been here. ¬†I never knew I could enjoy a child so much. ¬†I know this sounds bad because I have three other children. ¬†Don’t get me wrong I love them deeply with all my heart and I have enjoyed them as well. ¬†Just, with them I was so young and I wasn’t in the best relationship with my then husband (now ex husband). ¬†My life was stressful and I don’t think I really got to enjoy much of it. ¬†I was in severe depression most of the time and frankly it’s a blur. ¬†One of my only true regrets was no being able to have this pure joy with them like I have with M.

We are having a birthday party for M this coming Saturday and I am super excited. ¬†It won’t be until probably after then I will bore you with her birth story and all the pictures…. However, it’s 1:00am right now and boy oh boy does 6am come fast! ¬†So until then my friends… Until then…. In the mean time Happy Birthday My precious Litty M and welcome once again to my new journey here! ūüôā

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Welcome to my plus size world

Hello my *new* friends ūüôā I am so glad to have you here. ¬†As most new blogs one must introduce themselves. ¬†I am Misty and this is my blog about me, my weight and my life as a plus size woman. I am not new to blogging. ¬†In fact I had a semi successful blog about weigh loss (or shall I say the lack there of) and decided I needed to head into a new direction in my blogging.

With that said, I am not saying that I won’t be at anytime doing anything about changing my weight. ¬†As time passes you will get to learn just what has entailed me to be a 300lb woman. I am raw, true, and don’t tend to hold a lot back when it comes to sharing who I am and how I feel.

I find this to be my solitude. ¬†Blogging for me is my therapy. ¬†So here I am. ¬†I hope that others will still enjoy this blog as I they did before and hopefully this will be a bit more “real” with out feeling like I have to be always about my weight as I did feel on my previous blog. ¬†So stay tuned my fellow friends for I forsee you will be seeing a lot of me in the near future.

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