Had to say Goodbye

So last week I met up with my trainer and told him that I couldn’t see him anymore (as my trainer at least).  There were a few reasons, one part, money (which was a pretty big factor) and one part, I just wasn’t sure I was getting what I wanted. 

When I first hired a trainer it was for the full purpose to learn how to get comfortable with my gym and working out with the machines.  I knew one of my biggest hurdles was that I didn’t feel all that comfortable working out because I always felt like maybe I would doing things wrong.

I also wasn’t sure of the proper way to do things!  I had no clue what muscles should be worked and why?  While, my trainer was teaching me these things and it was very helpful, however, due to us not really having the ability to work out at a gym much it left us working out outside most of the time. (which I won’t lie I wasn’t thrilled with)

This was a huge pro and con all in one.  The pro was it got me into running.  It showed me that I could start to condition myself and that being outside was kind of nice (To my surprise).  It also showed me that it doesn’t really take much to get a good work out.

No joke ANYONE could do what we were doing, you just had to apply yourself. The problem was I still wasn’t learning what I wanted to learn.  I wanted to learn weights.  I wanted to lift and I wanted to learn how to build a workout.

I didn’t want to wait months to have this all figured out.  I knew me, I would do the same workouts we did over and over again because it’s all I would know.  But what made that even harder as was we kept doing different things.  So I just couldn’t really get a grasp on how to build a workout solo.

I also had a hard time with food and this was NOT my trainers fault: but I still felt somehow still lost in when it comes to my diet.  It’s like, I know but I don’t know? Ya know? lol I also, still didn’t have much of a clue on what to do on my days off from my trainer.

I felt like while I was showing results (and I was) and probably should have stuck it out.  In my heart, I wasn’t happy.  I wanted results and here I was getting them but I felt sad.  I was dreading going to our sessions and not because they were incredibly hard but more so because I constantly felt like a failure. (which by all means was mostly me being hard on myself). But the workouts we did always left me feeling defeated.

I know this was not due to my trainer in general.  I am sure you are wondering why did I let my trainer go due to my own insecurities?   I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing much in the way *I* wanted to.  Yes, I did this probably with selfish reasons, I didn’t get what I wanted so I pouted in a corner!  I wanted to lift, I wanted to feel STRONG (not weak like I felt during our workouts).  I would have people come up and say how I inspire them and I would think why?  I can barely get up this hill.  Or have you seen my squats?  Or I couldn’t even run a full minute without stopping.

I wanted to push him in the water (sorry Mr.J) everytime he would take his hand in this motions of (come on) when I would go slower when I ran.  I knew he was saying don’t stop, you got this… All I saw was someone signaling go faster as my calves were on fire and I just wanted to just go slow and that be good enough.  I don’t know,  it was weird and unexpected for me.  I just didn’t feel very uplifted and frankly, I am not sure that really was my trainers job?

I started getting more excited working out alone vs working out with my trainer.  Which is weird because I REALLY do like my trainer.  I even consider him a friend :).  He is a great guy and I LOVED his bootcamp class it’s apart of what made me fall in love with working out AND what made me LOVE strength (as we would do some exercises with weights).  But for some reason (even though this was actually easier) I just couldn’t get into it.  Add the stress of money and I had to say no. No more!

I tried to convince myself this was a bill we just had to pay but I couldn’t justify it after some financial stuff came up unexpectedly.  So, that was that. I decided I will have to workout on my own and do this.  Since then I have felt like an utter failure.  (Like I quit something that was working for me all because I was having a tantrum).  I fought with myself on should I be happy with my workout OR suck it up?

Working out has been harder than ever, PMS is kicking my ass and to boot I have been eating like shit…. Pure shit… And I know it too.  I won’t lie to you guys.  I have to get my ass in gear and not start all over. I’d be damned if I have to finish the year where I was in January.  June is almost upon me and I have goals in mind so this is me, getting my shit together.

I knew at times I would fall, that’s to be expected.  If I seem to want to workout alone then guess what?  I need to learn to have some damn faith in myself!   I am not stupid.  While sometimes I feel like I am not smart.  dammit, I am!  I am educated.  I know how to find what I want.  I know the basics, I have resources and I am NOT alone in this.

I need to get out of my head and start looking toward the positives.  I NEED to stop doubting myself!  I need to be strong in my goals.  If I want to lift then I should lift.  If I want to lose a 100lbs then I NEED to lose a 100lbs.  I need to STOP the excuses but also STOP doing things because I don’t want to hurt someone elses feelings OR because of someone else in general.

I have to start seeing what I KNOW I can do.  I CAN do this!  I can learn!  I can figure how to eat the way I should eat, fight this stupid ass cravings, kick some gym ass and show my self who is freaking boss….  I am STRONG, mentally and physically even if I don’t feel like it sometimes.

So yeah, I am saying good-bye to my trainer because I am saying hello to a new one, MYSELF!  I got this bitch, man!  I got this! You’ll see!

 

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Family Pictures

OMG y’all we got our family pictures back that we had done a couple of weeks ago (if that) and they are so freaking beautiful!  I just LOVE them!  My kids look so good 🙂 lol me, eh, it’s okay but on the plus side I have noticed a little change in my face since our last family pictures so that’s a plus.

I am so excited to share these.  We got a ton of them but I will show just some of my favorites (Man it’s hard to choose!).   Look how cute!!!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE them!  I wish we did family pictures more often in the past!

Trusting The Process

I think one of the hardest parts in weight loss or fitness training is TRUSTING the process. We are so quick to want results, we forget that big results tend to take time.  Our want it now culture has set a tone that if I don’t have it now, I will never have it!

I know for me this is a HUGE challenge.  From food to fitness. Even working out with my trainer is challenge mentally; just trusting we are going where I want to go is a daily struggle. However, one thing I believe greatly is everything up to this point has been a stepping stone.

Prepping me to where I am now so I can succeed.  I am not there yet… Far from it actually. I am still working greatly to improve food and to really learn the logistics of eating and weight loss.  I am learning and deciding what is really the right path for me.  If it’s just eating less OR if I have to suck it up buttercup and eat certain foods…

Right now, I don’t have those answers.  But I have to trust I will.  I have trust I will find away.  I think it’s just hard when you feel detoured.  I mean like the previous two trainers, but the thing is there wasn’t anything wrong with them.  And despite what they may feel my current trainer didn’t “take me away”.  Their program took me away.

I realized in their program I needed something more tailored.  Something that fit ME. Something more one on one with more time focused on the training and education.  What I have now is still not perfect and at times I doubt at times if this too is the right path.  But as I explained to my husband if it isn’t, I will find the right one.

Each step is getting just another step closer.  Closer to something I feel is much bigger than me just losing some weight.  I feel it’s a step closer to living a life I never knew possible.  I can FEEL it!  I just have to trust the process.  I have to trust that each stone was meant to be placed just as it was.

That each part of this journey isn’t in vain.  No time was “wasted”  it was all in prep.  For whatever reason this journey is my own, made exactly this way to show me whatever it is I need to see.  I just have to open my eyes and see it, my ears to hear and my soul to feel it. Greatness is out there!  I just have to believe!

It’s May

I know it’s already like three days into May and I meant to post yesterday and didn’t so I am today! 🙂

On the 1st I did my big weigh in for the month to see my progress and I was actually pretty excited.  I am finally out of the 300’s!!!  Wooot-wooot….

While at the end of March I was 303.2 I had shot up to 308 that was right around when I started working with my personal trainer that I have now.  Remember Mr.J 🙂 yeah baby!  So I am pretty happy about the loss and don’t even care it’s just 4.4lbs.  Because I worked hard this past month and given what I shot up to and what I am now it’s HUGE progress.

Not only did I see progress in the scale on Monday I also took measurements and I have lost a whopping 34 inches off my body.  THIRTY FOUR INCHES!  Holy batman that is awesome!  I cannot WAIT to see what is in store for me this month.

A little update

So yesterday I kind of posted out of the blue after being gone for quite sometime. (At least a couple of months).  So I thought that it might be good to inform those who don’t follow me on instagram where I am now and what has been going on these past few months? And to show some pics along the way.  (Btw if you are not following me on IG you should, I post lots of little selfies on there and you can see some shots from when I workout :)). Warning: This will be long… Hell, when are any of my posts short?  ha!

First day of bootcamp!

So February 9th, I was at the gym and I saw that this bootcamp class was kind of being thrown together.  I thought what the hell? Since the class seemed new it would be okay for me to join (I always hate coming into a class where everyone else seems to know the drill and I am “behind”). So I leaped right in.  I feel in love with bootcamp classes years ago when these two trainers we will call them Mr.J and Mr.M ran it.  But one of the struggles I faced was I kept having such ache knees.  This time I thought, I would give it ago.

So I did it and I liked it!  So much so I vowed to go back to class the very next day.  Then that Saturday another class was thrown together and I was outside flipping tires, pulling weights by my side and walking, running to the front of the gym, etc.  I was like YES!  now THIS I like!  By March 1st, I knew I had to do something for me. I started really feeling one of the trainers we will call mr.K.  I knew that the whole month of February my weight quickly was back tracking like it did months and years before.

I decided NO! NOT this year! I am stopping this RIGHT NOW.  On an impulse I got 16 weeks

Who just got a trainer? This girl!

of personal training.  It was about three weeks in that I found Mr.K was moving on to another gym and now I had new trainer Mr. Ole (his nickname we will call him).  Many were sad that Mr.K was leaving as was I.  But I had my eyes on a bigger prize.  I had goals and one trainer leaving wasn’t gonna stop me.  Plus while I really liked Mr.K I didn’t feel like our workouts and eating plan were exactly what I was aiming for.  But I was willing to try.

So me and Mr. Ole started working out.  I have to say I really like Mr. Ole, I told him I really wanted to learn the machines at the gym and I was really interested in weight lifting.  He did exactly what someone probably would do with those goals and had me hitting the machines and weights.  It wasn’t too long into seeing Mr. Ole when Mr. K came back.  I was a bit scared by this change. Not that I didn’t like Mr.K (cause I do) but because I didn’t want anymore changes.  While, yes, I was here for me, I knew I had a limited time to really do what my goals were and the main was to really learn how to build a work out regimen.

But ya know one of the interesting things that Mr. Ole taught me was that each step that you go through is a stepping stone to the next chapter even if it doesn’t make sense at the

Working hard!

time.  And boy was he right!  It was then that I ran into Mr.J again from years before (remember the first bootcamp).  I don’t know what made this different from the times my hubby told me he saw him a the gym before and I even got his number years ago but never called… Other then this time I was serious!  Like DEAD serious.  When momma puts down money she doesn’t really have to give you KNOW she is serious!

I knew then that while, I really liked Mr.K and Mr. Ole I still didn’t feel like I was going where I needed.  I also had some fears with how long the trainers were gonna stick around.  I really couldn’t stand to be bounced around and a few already were on trainer #3.  I had my eye’s on the prize and I didn’t need something like having to constantly switch trainers to mess that up!

Not only that but I needed something but I just didn’t quite know what.  I knew our sessions were pretty short and I felt like they didn’t really have any dedicated time to really see how I was or to talk about things.  I really wanted more personal one on one training.  Here the trainers were always so busy you almost kind of feel like another name on the screen in a way.  I wanted to be guided on how to eat (and while they did try to do this too, it still wasn’t as organized as I would of liked it to be), I wanted to find a plan that suited ME.  Something that considered my life style, my body and something that wasn’t too drastic (because I don’t do well with drastic).  I wanted to find someone who I felt connected with and I had that with Mr.J.

I knew that Sunday (or maybe it was a Saturday?) that I met up with Mr.J, this was the right

First day with Mr. J

fit.  While, things have not been exactly what I hoped I have learned a lot already.  Like when Mr. Ole talked about those stepping-stones.  I workout outside at the park a lot with Mr.J and I wasn’t use to this.  I worked in gym’s most of the time.  I was just getting comfortable in the gym (some what) and I by all means had a goal to not only learn machines BUT I wanted to lift.  And here I was freaking running outside up damn hills and shit.  Like seriously dude??? This IS NOT weight lifting man.

I was a bit disappointed.  I thought to myself, Man, I should have thought this through too… I thought that it would be this one thing and it’s another.  While I was seeing some progress, I felt still a bit let down.  I think Mr.J had picked up on this.  It wasn’t his fault, he was doing his job.  We were having good sessions.  It wasn’t honestly until *this* week where I started to appreciate what we were doing.

I realized I keep doing what’s SAFE!  The gym was my safety net.  While there was NOTHING wrong with me wanting to learn machines and lifting by all means.  I didn’t take into account that there were other ways to reach my goals.  Which the major one right now was to lose weight!  I was missing out on ways that I too might actually like.  I started wanting to crush everything that felt hard.  I found apart of me liked the gym because it felt “easier”.  Even though I wanted hard… Did I?

Trying to be Optimistic

I wasn’t trusting the process…So this week I decided to give my scale to my trainer and now I only weigh in once a month on the first (so Sunday will be a weight in day), I journal what I eat to my trainer, (I don’t even fret about it, I don’t count calories/carbs/ nothing)Although, I have an idea on how to eat each day.   I currently have started to take up running.  After us doing some short sessions of running and struggling I was bound and determined to freaking at least jog damnit for more than a few minutes without wanting to die!  So, now I workout with my trainer three days a week and then I also do the C25K (couch to 5K) three days a week with one rest day somewhere in there lol.  Who knew?

I am learning to learn how to trust the process even if it’s not going exactly where *I* want it to be.  I am also learning to put my ego out the door (although this one is hard).  I am so freaking hard on myself.  I am constantly disappointed with myself after a sessions. Even though my trainer tells me how proud he is, I still feel like I didn’t do enough.  I could have done more.  I keep telling myself I should be able to xyz.  I think sometimes,  I don’t seem to get that I am not how I feel (which I feel much smaller and capable then my body really is).

It’s been an interesting two months.  But I think I am actually going somewhere.  As I was

Me showing how my pants that I couldn’t previous wear a couple of months ago now has room in the waist!

saying yesterday, It’s the first time where I actually feel like the impossible is possible which that in itself is a feat!  Now, If I can just tell myself to chill and to allow the process to do its thing. 😉  My pants are even getting looser and I can wear jeans I couldn’t just months before!

So there ya have it…. The past two months in a not so short nutshell! lol Tune in on Sunday for my weigh in and I will also be measuring myself.  It’s a little early for my measurements but I want to start weighing and measuring on the same day.  So that way the rest of the month can be focused on just making good choices.  I won’t lie, I am a kind of afraid the scale is gonna show me still in the 300’s. I was 301 last week.  But ya know what?  If it does that’s okay.  (Because I fit into my jeans and I didn’t before so I KNOW that’s progress) that and We will come up with a plan to get me out and next month I will be out of the 300.  I will GUARANTEE  you that!

I will do this and I promise MYSELF that I am going to succeed at my goals.  Through the times I fail, I will pick my self up, dust myself off and try again.  I will keep trying until the day to die to live my life and to reach my goals.  Through the good and bad!  I am going to vow to trust the process… To learn to have faith in myself and my dreams.  To have faith in the path, my husband, and process!  Here is 2016 and a 100lbs to lose! (well, the first 100! that is).  Stay tuned!

 

 

 

Defeating the Impossible

I will be the first to tell you that there are somethings that are impossible.  I don’t believe the term “everything is possible” I do however, fell most things ARE possible and the things that are not just need to be customized to BE possible.  Like for instance, one may want to walk again but they don’t have any legs and wished to regrow them.  We know we can’t currently regrow legs BUT you can get a prosthetic one. Some day, who knows it maybe possible to regrow a legs however, for now it’s just not possible

(not to say don’t try I guess?).  This made it possible for the person to walk even though for the time being it was impossible to have the first original goal.  But hey, the end goal was to walk right?

Anyways, I have lived a lot of my life facing what feels to be the impossible.  To the point that this has hindered me in so many ways.  I am the girl whose cup is half empty.  I always see the negative side of things and I am ALWAYS the cautious one.  I can easily point out all the things that can go wrong with something but probably can’t find many of the things that could right!  There are some pro’s to a person like me.  We are natural planners.  So when we see all the bad we look for solutions to help avoid them thus making us more prepared.  The downfall is if we see too many possible negatives we may miss out on things because we can’t see the positive.

That is me.  Mrs negative.  It’s hard being Mrs negative sometimes.  Sometimes, while I feel like I’m just being the realist I also feel like the party pooper.  Or I get depressed because I can’t seem to find solutions to get what I want.  My journey not only in weight loss but my life in general has been an uphill battle.  I have dealt with so much that over the years I had lost the “nice” side of me.  I always feel awkward around others (because I am always wondering if I look okay, If I am saying the right things, not saying anything at all, if they are paying attention to my fat, etc my brain doesn’t stop) and I don’t really know how to react well to people.

You ask me how I am doing I will probably say “fine”.  You ask me what I want to eat I will most likely say “I don’t know, what do you want”.  If you ask me how my work out went I will say “I feel good”.  Fact is I don’t sometimes really know how to show to my feelings I think?  When I do, I tend to vomit them all over D (my husband lucky him right?). I have intense pressure to be a good mom, wife, and to do it all.  And as I fail to do each one, as my house remains a mess, my kids continue to do things I have told them over and over and over NOT to do, when my weight may not move the way I expected it to… I just lose it.

I wondered, when will any of this feel POSSIBLE?  My lovely husband is polar opposite of me.  For years (and even sometimes still) I wondered how on EARTH were we going to be able to keep this marriage going when we are SO different.  But apart of the “beauty” of our differences is, we learn to grow.  He has taught me to start taking chances and to believe.  So many times I would hold back doing things because it didn’t seem possible.  I let my feelings of the impossible get to me. I let my theory you can’t do it all stop me from even TRYING.

I convinced myself these things were completely impossible without actually seeing if maybe it just needed a prosthetic of its own.  I think of so many things I missed out on and continue to do so because of this thinking.  Change though, doesn’t happen over night.  It’s like being a little Caterpillar, you go through stages before you ever become a butterfly.  It’s a process. I saw today a tiny sign that said my process is changing… Slowly emerging in to what I hope is the most damn beautiful butterfly ever named Misty :).

I was on Instagram and I was posting to someone talking about her journey and how far she has become.  She has lost I think like a 150 pounds and frankly when you look at her at first glance you could never believe she had been overweight a day in her life.  Aside from a small amount of extra skin on her tummy that is all she really has to show on her body of her former body.  I was posting to her how hard my journey has been and like her, I too am a size 26/28 and how at times it’s hard to see my become a body I like seeing again.  I explained it was hard to do this journey while not actually being able to see the finish line because I have NO idea what it looks like.

It’s kind of like growing a baby, the whole time you are on pins and needles just wondering what you little one will look like.  Will it have hair, your eyes, or the nose you hope it doesn’t get it lol, you fantasize of all the possibilities.  But unlike growing a child in weight loss the outcome (when you have LOTS to lose) can be somewhat unpleasant (loose skin).  But back to what I told her, I told her “even though I am not sure what the finish line will look like at least it doesn’t feel impossible anymore”.

Wow!!!!  Just take that in for a minute… I have about 200 pounds to get to my goals (or less depending on where I prefer my body once I am there) and for once the finish line didn’t feel IMPOSSIBLE.  That’s HUGE.  It’s huge that I BELIEVE IN ME AND THE PROCESS!  I haven’t believed in a LONG time.  I think it’s a huge reason why I even stopped writing.  I just didn’t have it in me.  I didn’t know what to say?  I didn’t want to be fake.  I wanted so bad to inspire others I just couldn’t inspire ME.  Every corner I couldn’t get excited because I thought to myself that this is temporary and I will shoot back up (in weight). Now, I am like yeah I will fluctuate in weight but I am going to continue to go down. Sometimes, it still feels like a dream, “like am I really doing this” I ask myself?  Is this really the time? Sometimes, I’m still not sure?  But there is this little fire that now burns that says YES, yes it’s time!  Just watch and see…. Like they say patience is virtue!

Don’t let the impossible get to you.  Look for your prosthetic legs… Look for what you can do to get to the end goal even if the way there wasn’t the way you originally planned. Don’t be afraid to take chances and think outside the box.  As someone who limits herself and feels that there is only one cookie cutter way to doing things, there isn’t.  Don’t always stay SAFE.  Safe sometimes keeps you safe but at the same time it makes you miss the AMAZING.  No one wants to miss the amazing.  NO ONE!  YOU ARE NOT IMPOSSIBLE. You defeated impossible when you became you because no one could possibly know who you really would be!

Defeat your impossible! 

 

My Absence

So I have been thinking a lot about my blogging and not really sure I am going to continue.  I don’t really have much to blog about these days.  Between my own journal and Instagram I just don’t have much of a passion for blogging these days.

I will say that things are going really well.  The weight does seem to be coming off which is nice.  I think I will keep the blogs up a little longer incase I change my mind but in the meantime if you instagram @myplussizeconfessions you can fallow me on there 🙂 I have found a wonderful community on there and it has really helped me a lot!  🙂

Hope all is well with everyone 🙂

Weigh In Monday!

So yesterday was the last of the month.  I have started tracking my beginning weight and ending each month.  So even though Sunday wasn’t my weigh in Monday I weighed in, I also weighed in on Monday (today) to find out what my starting weight was for February.

In January I started with the weight of 318.6 I weighed in yesterday morning to…..

Tada Boom 12lbs down for the month of January.  Which btw was my goal.  I am SO freaking glad that I stuck to my diet this month.  I wanted to give up with like the usual the scale wasn’t moving like I wanted it to.

Once my PMS came, the bloat came with it and of course I wasn’t losing weight really at all.  I just kind of maintained.  I felt so defeated.  I worked so hard on week one and lost over 6 pounds and by week two there was a gain and I knew I did nothing to gain.

By week three I did have a loss but I still wasn’t at my lowest weight from week one.  I felt like my body was against me.  I felt like a failure and I didn’t understand why my body was doing this.  I knew deep down this had to be PMS bloat so I stuck through even though I wanted to eat like crap.

BUT I didn’t.

So, on Friday AF came and slowly the fluid started coming off and the pounds started dropping.  I was so excited.  I was right.  I WAS PMS bloat and all the hard work I put in on week two and three were not in vein!  It was progress!

So this morning, I woke up and felt HEAVY!  I wondered if weighing in just the day before was a good idea.  I knew I wanted to weigh in today as well because it was the first of the month.  I thought great it’s gonna show a gain from yesterday and I will be depressed even though I knew deep down I had made great progress.

I stepped on the scale and HOLY SHIT! I shouted

What????? I stepped off and on FOUR times…. YES, I even still have some swelling in my ankle so yeah!  AND AF is still here so I feel totally blah but YEEEAAAH!!!!!! So in Total as of today since I started trying to lose weight I have lost a total of 22lbs and this year a lone I have lost 13.8 lbs :).  I couldn’t be happier.

I know many would think my next goal is to get out of 300, but nope, I know that will happen.  No, my next “big” goal is to get under 280 and STAY under 280.  Since I started this journey 4 years ago the smallest I have been able to get was just under 280 and like a week later I shot back up.

Since, I have gotten as low as 280 but never stayed under that.  Once I got to 280 I had a hard time losing.  So that’s my next challenge in weight loss!  I will do this!

The Battle Of The Mind

The mind can be very tricky…. I have been on this journey going on 5 years soon and it’s been a uphill battle each month.  Some months better than others.  This year I decided THIS is going to be the year.  I WILL NOT give up.  I will work on being positive and I will figure out this thing they call “weight loss”.  lol

Every month I had the same problem losing about 10 – 15 lbs and then maintaining.  I would soon get irritated, give up and quit for a few months and start over and the cycle would start all over again.  I couldn’t understand it.  This month proved to be no different in that cycle.

Week one went AWESOME, I lost almost 7 lbs.  Week 2 I Gained despite eating great and week three I lost but still had not reached my lowest weight from the previous 1st week.  I felt defeated.  It was hard to look at old weigh in’s to see each month I was hovering around the same weight.

My mind is thinking, “what is wrong with me?  What is wrong with my body?” I just couldn’t understand why it keeps happening.  So I told myself, no, this month is different right?  So I tried on the pants I still couldn’t fit in a week ago and I could button AND zip them.

It was a challenge and they still don’t fit the way I want them too.  BUT It was progress…. Good progress especially since the scale wasn’t moving.  I told myself today that I will keep going.   I am down at least 6lbs this month.  Yeah, I lost most of that the first week, but who cares, if it lost 2lbs a week I wouldn’t be as upset about it?

I won’t lie I DO expect to lose some more next month lol because good lord I can’t stay at this weight forever right?  But it’s progress and I can’t let my mind WIN.  I cannot let these bad thoughts defeat me.  Yesterday I ate HORRIBLE, just one thing after another because I felt down about the progress.

Today, I am not upset about it.  It was ONE bad day and today is a new day.  Today my bad thoughts don’t win.  Today, I squeezed lol into pants I couldn’t squeeze into at the beginning of the month.  And next month I promise you I won’t be squeezing in with them.  I guarantee you that!  The battle of mind is hard.  Not listening to that evil voice is hard but you have to push through.

I keep telling myself not to think of the past and my past trials.  This year is NEW, I have to look at this like it’s a whole new journey instead of an old one that I keep failing at.  This year I am going in with an open mind, with positivity, with the fact of knowing I AM going to do this and I am NOT going to give up.

Dreaded Skin

This past year of getting back on the wagon and joining Instagram for my weight loss journey I have gotten a new pet peeve.  I know that for some people this might be offending and know that these are just MY opinions.  I don’t know each person out there and their journey so believe me when I say that I am not trying to judge.

But for the life of me I am so sick of this whole trend now of people having skin surgery when they still have A LOT of weight still left to lose.  Claiming that they now have done everything and “there is nothing they can do”.  I have been doing quiet a bit of research on this the past few years.  And while I will not deny that excess skin can and DOES happen with weight loss in some people it can be greatly limited and sometimes even avoided.

I am annoyed with the medical community who have convinced people that when they lose weight that there is nothing they can do when it’s clear that some of these people still have quiet a bit of fat to still lose.  I am not talking about the person who has under 20% of body fat and still has some skin (that IS skin) and that is the perfect canidate IMO for skin removal.

But when you can grab your “skin” and it’s bigger than say and 1 1/2 you still got some fat in there!  I am annoyed at seeing people at 180-190 pound range getting this surgery and telling people that they lost all the weight they can lose and now have all this “loose skin”.  Ummmm, what person (especially a female) who weighs close to 200lbs ever has a nice flat stomach or doesn’t suffer from “skin” which is really hanging fat?

Hell, even at 130lbs I had a pooch back in the day.  I didn’t even have a flat stomach then, so why on earth would someone who weighs almost 200lb expect one naturally?  Now, look if you don’t want to do the work to get your tummy flat, OR you want to be almost 200lbs with a flat stomach by all means do the surgery and have your FAT removed.  But don’t promote that you are removing your “excess skin” that is NOT excess skin.  That is FAT.

I am so sick of woman and men for that matter being told we are doomed to have these gross shrived bodies.  I don’t think that is true.  Is it hard?  yes!  Does it take a lot of work and TIME?  yes!  Your body lost weight your skin will have to take time to retract back.  And yes, you can still end up with some excess SKIN but that skin won’t weigh 40 plus pounds.  Typically, when people have true skin removals it’s the matter of 5 to 10lbs max (that’s if they have skin removed from more than one area).

The other risk to having these surgeries too early is the risk to more surgeries.  I have seen people who had surgery to have it redone when they got even smaller.  Why would you want to do that to yourself?  Look I don’t want hanging skin like anyone else.  Hell, I hate my hanging FAT.  So I get it.

I would hate to lose 200lbs and still not like my body.  But I have to remember that even a 200lb loss that puts me about 130lbs and unless I build muscle I probably will have some skin or some fat still on my body.  Typically women need be at 20% body fat and men at 10% to get to the point where it’s JUST skin.  How many people do you know actually get down that low before resorting to surgery?  I can only attest to a small few (but hey I don’t know everyone).

I am not even saying someone has to get down to 10-20% body fat.  But it the pet peeve is saying “there is nothing I can do”.  You have been LIED to and I hope if anything else to prove that in my journey.  I have a blood disorder, so for me surgery isn’t a good idea.  So I have to show that people can lose weight and not have a TON of skin.  Will I have skin? Yes, I do believe I will.  BUT I don’t believe I have will have what you see all the time on shows (like skin tight) and so on.  I do believe there is a way… With healthy eating, maintaining my weight loss, drinking water and weight training.

I just hope in time we can unbrain wash people…. We are mislead I believe and while I am not against doing things that make you feel better I just hate when people are told it is the ONLY road.  I truly believe in my heart it’s not.  I truly believe that it should take much more work to require such surgeries.  I know I for one will not even consider unless I KNOW I have done everything that would include getting my body fat percentage down.  If by then I still look like prune then I will know what is left is infact JUST skin.  But until then I will consider my body just not done yet.